My husband was driving me. My parents wanted to show their support by attending a race. Most of the people in my running group had signed up for this race as the - they were not part of the entourage, just more faces I knew.
On the way to the race, as my husband drove, there was a huge thunder storm. I was hoping it would cancel the race. I was a bundle of nerves. And not a good boost your adrenaline type of nerves. The I think "I'm going to puke my guts up" or "Why am I doing this to myself?" type of nerves. The feeling only got worse the closer I came to the start line.
This race was so much smaller than my first race. There was a 10k inline skate race, a 10k race and a 5k race. The inline skaters went first, then the 10k runners and finally the 5k group. The biggest difference with this race - aside from Matt kicking my ass through the course was my lack of anonymity. I knew a lot of people at the start line and had become friends with them.
Not to mention my husband and parents were there. I know they are supposed to love me unconditionally, but thinking of them waiting at the finish line caused me to revert to some odd performance anxiety issues. Really they are the last ones to be anything but proud of me for attempting to accomplish any type of running distance. And they tell me that.
After the gun went off, I was left with nothing but negative thoughts. "This hurts" - "Its too humid" - "Why is my ass jiggling so much?" You get the drift. The course has quite a few turns and depending on your training level and feel a little hilly. After a few races I can say its not the course to set a PB on.
I finished this race in 28:12 - 30 seconds better than my time for ATB. I should have been happy, but I wasn't. I knew I could have run faster and my time should have been better. I gave into the negative talk in my head and couldn't pull myself out of it. This habit has become my running biggest challenge.
|Me coming into the finish line at the Trillium 5k race 2009|